mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
