i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
