We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
