check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i think i have two assholes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize