so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
