Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
