Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
