Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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