i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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