If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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