you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
