Pappa wants mamma naked
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
