I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
