Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize