your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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