I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
