I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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