loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
