i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
