The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
