How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize