I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
