my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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