I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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