Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
