So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
