I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
