New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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