apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
