did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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