Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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