saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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