Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
