what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
