i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
