So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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