Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
