Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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