fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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