PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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