She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
