just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
