Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
