Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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