I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
