I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
