I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
