I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
