I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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