and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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