I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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