He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He did a backflip because drugs
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
