I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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