She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize