A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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