He uses pillows to masturbate.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
