I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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