just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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