i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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