she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize