yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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