I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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