i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
