Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
