How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
