He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
