i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
