hotel room ftw
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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